Closer

SHOUT OUT: Happy Birthday...

15122009 6:58AM

I woke up yesterday feeling lonely. It was something I haven't felt for a while now yet it wasn't a foreign feeling to me. The four walls around me seemed closer and my room seemed smaller. Every sound was amplified and my clock's tick tock was pounding into my ears. I had woken up before my alarm went off...

The year that was 2009...

What a year! 2009 was hectic. 2009 was special. 2009 was full of hopes and dreams. 2009 was a year of many beginnings for me and watching this year roll by in such a hurry is leaving me dumbfounded. So much has happened yet I feel as if I have no recollection of anything from 2009. To take it further, I feel as if it's still 2008. Still waiting for the year of beginnings and new starts.

So I was thinking on the bus yesterday morning of all the things I am taking with me to 2010. Twenty-ten. Even the name is totally different to 2009. Two thousand and nine. So it must be different. It must have more to offer. It must.

In 2009, I was loved. I loved, too, and with that, I had hurt those closest to me. You hurt the ones you love most and I thank everyone of you you for your love, even if I have hurt you, neglected you or was a plain bitch to you. Once you give love, it is the most enjoyable and liberating feeling. But only if you don't expect anything in return. Unconditional love is the hardest gift anyone can give. It is only when you love unconditionally, with no expectations, no hopes and no desires, will you not be hurt by it. Others cannot hurt you. We hurt ourselves with our own love. It is true that we must love like we have never been hurt before. When wounds heal, the scab falls off. When we heal the wounds in our hearts, we must learn to face the world again without barriers. Without walls. Without scabs. The past cannot be changed and we must not let it haunt us by holding onto the wounds. Let it heal. Let the wounds be touched by the air and the bleeding will stop. The past will only re-enact if we play the same role again. Love is brave and if we love, we will be brave enough to play a different role. People don't change, but we do make choices. Choose love because it will heal your wounds faster.

In 2009, I lied. I was talking to one of my closest friends a couple of weeks ago about how I have realised that there is no one day that passes when we are honest to everyone and everything. Even white lies are lies. But what are lies? We lie when we want to hide the truth. When you lie, you deceive. I have stepped up to see how I am when I lie. Brain activity increases because we need to cover the truth. The truth is logical. The truth is true. The truth works. And when we lie, we need to lie logically. We need to lie as if it is the truth. We need to make the lie work. Hence, lies will only be followed by more lies. The vicious cycle is hard to break. You need to cover your tracks. You need to cover tell tail signs. How mentally tiring and how emotionally draining is it, if we were to live in a lie? Only the brave will stand up to clear the lies. Only those with courage will shoulder the consequences. And only those who are brave and courageous know how to love.

I'm taking these with me to 2010. So far, I have only packed 2 things in my luggage. There are more on the list, I'm sure.

You'll be the first to know.

JYKW

xxoo

Just smile and wave

18102009 8:56AM

It has been months or probably years since my last proper entry. Really, it has been a bad case of i just couldn't be bothered. But recently a close friend of mine suggested that i should start blogging again so i am taking her advice and pouring my thoughts into words again.

To me, words can do so much. That it can make or break me.

I didn't realise how much actually goes on in my mind. I've always thought i spoke out my feelings enough for everyone to see and know. Obviously i knew there are things that i would keep inside but i have never really gotten to know just how much thinking i do everyday. Coming to terms with the thoughts in my mind has actually been quite a tiring process. Maybe i dont really know myself as a person.

I've put a lot of effort in finding out how people feel and what people think and i have recently noticed that i spend most of my days' effort in satisfying others.

It's October already and over the past year so far, everything in my life has happened so fast that i probably had no idea what was happening. Everything seems like a blur.

Baby Baby Baby

11102009 3:23pm

yes it's been a long while.

here...

~~

baby baby baby .....

je veux des plans sur la commode
j'veux Tellier sur mon ipod
je veux l'amex black de ta mere
je veux la voiture de ton pere
j'veux sortir avec tes potes
j'mettrais ma plus belle culotte
j'veux une session un peu hot
j'veux bien qu'tu r'gardes mais pas qu'tu p'lote

baby baby baby ....

j'veux etre dans l'top de justice
la main d' Gaspar sur ma cuisse
je veux compter même sans les doigts
je veux les tiens au bon endroit
je veux pas prendre les escaliers
tien c'est parfait, tu vas m'porter
je veux que moi sur les photos
et j'veux poser pour Saint Lau
je veux des enfants surdoués
et j'veux qu'mon chien soit diplomé
je veux ta tête sur un plateau
je veux pas d' cake, j'veux de la coke
je veux sauter d'une grande échelle
je veux des glaces choco vanille
je veux tes boules à la myrtille

je veux danser comme Vanessa
j'veux voir son mec à Ibiza
je veux dormir quand tu te réveilles
et j'veux l'même T-shirt que Yelle
j'veux rentrer dans tous mes Jeans
et j'veux qu'tu rentres avec ta prime
j'veux des glacons dans mon verre
faire une souflette à ta grand-mère
j'ai vu ton ex, tu sais la sotte
dis lui qu'j'ai retrouvé ses bottes
j'veux pas noyau dans ma cerise
j'veux qu'tu redresse la tour de Pise
j'veux jouir dans une 2 chevauxx
et je vais l'faire derrière ton dos

~~

Friend told me i should vent again on my blog...

Yeh I might soon...

JYKW
xxoo

I'm 74% FOB

[x] Both of your parents are from Asia
[x] You were born in Asia
[x] You use the term "Azn"
[ ] You think DDR is cool
[x] You've watched lots of anime
[x] You like Korean drama
[x] You have stuff hanging on your phone
[ ] You think your parents want you to marry within your own race
[x] You eat rice almost everyday
[x] You drink lemon tea

X's so far: 8

[ ] You style your hair
[x] You have a bebo/myspace/friendster/facebook
[x] You speak languages other than English
[x] Your parents are strict (somewhat...)
[x] Your parents have high expectations of you
[x] You always get A's/B's on your report
[ ] You do Chemistry/Biology/Physics/Accounting
[x] You know your multiplication table (i KNEW them before...)
[ ] You play badminton or table tennis or Irish Pingpong
[x] You've seen the asian version The Ring/The grudge

X's so far: 15

[x] You go/want to go to a university and would NEVER consider an apprenticeship
[x] You own an asian car (Honda, Toyota, etc)
[x] You're not the only child
[x] You've gotten little red envelopes around February
[x] You know the difference between kung fu, karate and tae kwon do
[ ] Your mother tries to bargain even though the product is already discounted
[ ] You can solve a rubiks cube
[x] You have a box of noodles somewhere in your house
[x] You play video games

X's so far: 22

[x] Everytime you're going out, your parents ask you where you're going and what time you'll be home
[x] You have karaoke at home
[x] You've been to a LAN more than 3 times
[x] You own a gaming console
[x] You don't wear shoes in your house
[x] You can use chopsticks
[x] You get nothing if you do well in school, but punished if you don't

X's so far: 29

[ ] Your parents won't let you go out if you have school the next day
[x] You have asian songs on your computer/iPod
[ ] You don't like football
[ ] You like Soccer.

X's so far: 30

[x] You have a curfew ( i used to?)
[ ] You know what ulzzang/tb means
[x] You know what purikura is
[x] you like bubble tea (WHOOT!!! GIMME MY KIDNEY STONES ANYDAY!)
[x] Your parents bought you shoes many sizes too big so you can "grow into it" and wear it for years to come
[x] You've played final fantasy
[ ] You believe in fortune cookies

X's so far: 35

[x] You know what is bok choy
[ ] You've heard the song "Got rice?"
[x] You've had pockys/yan yan before
[ ] When you ask for your mom's permission, she goes "ask your dad"

Total X's: 37

Multiply your total score by 2 = 74%

My teenage life was 87% AWESOME

[x] Gotten detention. (ooh yeh detention...)
[ ] Gotten your phone taken away in class.
[ ] Gotten suspended.
[x] Gotten caught chewing gum.
[x] Gotten caught cheating on a test.

Accumulative Total: 3

[x] Arrived late to class more than 5 times.
[x] Didn’t do homework over 5 times (COUGH3u mathsCOUGH)
[ ] Turned at least 3 projects in late
[x] Missed school cause you felt like it. (mum told me not to go if i didnt feel like it)
[x] Laughed so loud you got kicked out of class.

Accumulative Total: 7

[x] Got your mom / dad etc. to get you out of school.
[x] Texted people during class.
[x] passed notes.
[x] Threw stuff across the room.
[x] Laughed at the teacher.

Accumulative Total: 12

[ ] Pulled Down The Fire Alarm.
[x] Went on Myspace , Facebook , Xanga , etc. on the computer at school. (it was xanga back then...)
[x] Took Pictures during school hours. (with those disposable cameras...)
[x] Called someone during School hours.
[x] Listened to an iPod , CD , etc... During class. (mini disk player... MDs...)

Accumulative Total: 16

[x] Threw something at the teacher
[x] Went outside the classroom without permission.
[x] Broke the dress code.
[x] Failed a class test.
[x] Ate food during class. (hey, i did that everyday... COUGH3u japCOUGH)

Accumulative Total: 21

[x] Gotten a call from school.
[ ] couldnt go on a field trip cause you behaved badly.
[x] Didn’t take your stuff to school.
[ ] Gotten a detention and didn't go.
[x] Stuck up your middle finger at a teacher when they were not looking.
[x] Cursed during class loud enough so the teacher could hear. (does screaming penis count?)

Accumulative Total: 25

[x] Faked your parents signature (i even did everyone else's parents' signatures)
[x] Slept in class. (didnt everyone?)
[x] Cursed at a teacher to their face (it was an accident)
[x] Copied homework

Accumulative Total: 29


MULTIPLY BY THREE : 29 x 3 = 87%