Deeply Cut

i was deeply cut just then by an old friend. *sigh*

it's like when people have their own careers and life, they tend to throw away everything else they have once said, and stupid enough i actually took what they said to heart.

now that everything they have ever dreamt of have come true, what about the things they've said before? what about me? am i to just sit here and hope that things will turn out right?

well, i do wish them well. i guess that is all left for me to do? i mean, seriously, i feel used and down right stupid but at least their lives are perfect according to their dreams.

crying about it won't do anything because they'll never know... it's times like this when i really feel lonely and isolated. and all people can do is pick an argument: saying im being snobbish and not messaging people even though im online. what is there to say when no one has just gone what i have? i was totally cut at 2:30 in the morning and the first message i get when i come online is why im not chatting when im online. well, if i wasn't bawling my eyes out because i was so hurt and i felt so used, then i probably would have messaged people, yeh?

what has my msn status have to do with anything anyway? im feeling lonely and isolated from everyone else and does msn have a status for that? im not busy, away, out for lunch, be right back, on the phone or appear offline. what happened just then was uncalled for and i didnt need other people being a busy body and caring about my msn status when a quarter of my world was collapsing. i tried to be civil about it and saw the funny side of it but people just took the wrong cue and it shows how much importance you place on yourself.

it's like im half dying here, crying in pain and all you do is make a big deal on how im snobbish and ignoring you?

but then to some people, who am i to you? :( who do you think i am? a marketing strategy? *hi, im from australia* wow such broad, international market appeal! my arse, that is...

all i know is that im still deeply cut... all because i should have gotten over this ages ago.


JYKW