SHOUT OUT: Happy Birthday...
I woke up yesterday feeling lonely. It was something I haven't felt for a while now yet it wasn't a foreign feeling to me. The four walls around me seemed closer and my room seemed smaller. Every sound was amplified and my clock's tick tock was pounding into my ears. I had woken up before my alarm went off...
The year that was 2009...
What a year! 2009 was hectic. 2009 was special. 2009 was full of hopes and dreams. 2009 was a year of many beginnings for me and watching this year roll by in such a hurry is leaving me dumbfounded. So much has happened yet I feel as if I have no recollection of anything from 2009. To take it further, I feel as if it's still 2008. Still waiting for the year of beginnings and new starts.
So I was thinking on the bus yesterday morning of all the things I am taking with me to 2010. Twenty-ten. Even the name is totally different to 2009. Two thousand and nine. So it must be different. It must have more to offer. It must.
In 2009, I was loved. I loved, too, and with that, I had hurt those closest to me. You hurt the ones you love most and I thank everyone of you you for your love, even if I have hurt you, neglected you or was a plain bitch to you. Once you give love, it is the most enjoyable and liberating feeling. But only if you don't expect anything in return. Unconditional love is the hardest gift anyone can give. It is only when you love unconditionally, with no expectations, no hopes and no desires, will you not be hurt by it. Others cannot hurt you. We hurt ourselves with our own love. It is true that we must love like we have never been hurt before. When wounds heal, the scab falls off. When we heal the wounds in our hearts, we must learn to face the world again without barriers. Without walls. Without scabs. The past cannot be changed and we must not let it haunt us by holding onto the wounds. Let it heal. Let the wounds be touched by the air and the bleeding will stop. The past will only re-enact if we play the same role again. Love is brave and if we love, we will be brave enough to play a different role. People don't change, but we do make choices. Choose love because it will heal your wounds faster.
In 2009, I lied. I was talking to one of my closest friends a couple of weeks ago about how I have realised that there is no one day that passes when we are honest to everyone and everything. Even white lies are lies. But what are lies? We lie when we want to hide the truth. When you lie, you deceive. I have stepped up to see how I am when I lie. Brain activity increases because we need to cover the truth. The truth is logical. The truth is true. The truth works. And when we lie, we need to lie logically. We need to lie as if it is the truth. We need to make the lie work. Hence, lies will only be followed by more lies. The vicious cycle is hard to break. You need to cover your tracks. You need to cover tell tail signs. How mentally tiring and how emotionally draining is it, if we were to live in a lie? Only the brave will stand up to clear the lies. Only those with courage will shoulder the consequences. And only those who are brave and courageous know how to love.
I'm taking these with me to 2010. So far, I have only packed 2 things in my luggage. There are more on the list, I'm sure.
You'll be the first to know.
JYKW
xxoo
